Armchair Mogul
The (backseat) driving force behind Hollywood. Way behind.


Howdy Moguls! This is a new column we’re trying out where we attempt to piece together the story of a movie based solely on its poster and a few character names. We call it:


We figured we’d kick off the column with Tom Jung’s classic 1977 Star Wars piece…here it is in all its glory.



A long time ago in a galaxy far, far way…there was an evil space tyrant named Darth Vader who used his enormous helmet-shaped starship to spy on everyone in the galaxy.

Tired of being creeped out by the dark voyeur in their most private moments, most of the galaxy’s inhabitants fled their homes by leaping into their dragonfly-shaped spaceships, which, for some reason, they flew in reverse.


The convoy of involuntary exhibitionists flew their reverse dragonflies to take sanctuary in the one place they knew would be safe from the prying eyes of Lord Vader – a humongous space station rumored to be the home of a 24/7 dance party – hence its resemblance to a galactic disco ball.

But it turns out that this disco space ball was a trap set by none other than Vader, who had installed a giant peep-hole in the disco ball to spy on the unwitting galactic citizens with even GREATER ease!


Only one man had the power to save them – a young martial artist and part time body builder named Luke Skywalker! Skywalker, with the help of his lover, a buxom, ray gun wielding hotsy-totsy named Princess Leia, would use the power of his handheld flashlight beacon to lure the fleeing convoy to safe harbor on a nearby planet where the mountainous terrain would shield them from the Vader’s voyeuristic machinations.


Here on this new planet, under the protection of the perpetually surprised C-3PO and his butler R2-D2, the citizens would have to face the choice of living a life of confined freedom, or join Luke and Leia in a rebellion against Darth Vader to end his spying once and for all.


To aid in their fight, Luke invites the citizens to learn a mystic art that would not only guide them through their journeys, but prove to be a powerful ally in their battle against Vader. The citizens agree. So they all put on Luke’s trademark white gi and learn the ways of…KARATE.

The following battle would be the first of many in the intergalactic conflict that would come to be known as the…



…okay, NOW look at the poster and judge how accurately it tells that story.


Any ideas what poster should be next?

Let us know!

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