Armchair Mogul
The (backseat) driving force behind Hollywood. Way behind.

I Like Big Bots and I Cannot Lie….!


I loved it.

Is it perfect?

Obviously not.  It IS Michael Bay after all. This is not a portrayal of a realistic world.  Like, at all.  It’s a hyperactive, over-sexualized, fetishistic fever dream that exists in the mind of a misogynistic man-child who also happens to be the best working action director in the world.

So yeah, it’s got flaws.  The bad guy’s plan only kinda makes sense.  Characters appear and disappear when convenient for the plot.  In terms of bloodlust (lube lust?) the only thing that separates the good guys from the bad guys is a coat of paint.

But on the other hand…

It’s the best movie of the trilogy.

It’s Michael Bay’s best movie since Bad Boys 2.

No robots pee on anyone or hump anyone’s legs.

There are no robot testes in sight.

John Turturro stays clothed.

The Twins are gone and never acknowledged.

The 3D actually ADDS to the experience for once.

Leonard Nimoy’s voice work is epic.

And although it’s possible I’m just suffering from decompression sickness from having risen too fast from the abysmal depths of narrative nonsense we call Revenge of the Fallen, I think Dark of the Moon might just be the most fun you’ll have this summer.

Or at the very least, it’s working really hard to be.

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