Editorial: “I think the character ‘Wolverine’ might actually suck.”
The following conversation never took place:
“Alright, I’ve got an idea for a superhero. Are you listening?”
“His main personality trait… is he’s always surly…but…but… that’s okay because he’s actually a TOTAL psychopath. I mean he’s liable to just got off at any minute on anyone.”
“Ok. Like in a funny way?”
“No, I mean he is literally a PYSCHOPATH, like… in a split second he can just go NUTS and slash and destroy whatever is in front of him…”
“Let me finish…okay, so let’s say we give him this HUGE EFFIN’ KNIFE… that is special… because it can cut through ANYTHING, like ANYTHING!!! So that way, when he goes off, he just hacks and slices, and stabs and ravages things and people into meaty pulps.”
“I don’t think that will work because…”
“Okay, let’s make it THREE huge knifes on each hand.”
“How would that be a superhero?”
“Because he’ll get in fights with both good AND bad guys… and the kids will love him. The knives can cut through anything so he will destroy anything he hits”
Have you guys ever thought about Wolverine now that you are an adult?
He has the sharpest knives on the planet, and they are made of a metal that can cut through almost anything but itself.
Following that logic, Wolverine should have already killed just about everyone in the Marvel Universe.
The problem with making your character have KNIVES for weapons, (much less ones that can cut through anything,) is that unless his opponent ends up dead or close to it, your character sucks, right?
It would be like making a ‘war hero’ type character that is an expert marksmen, who can shoot a fly at 200 yards, but his bullets explode into dust on impact.
They are INDESTRUCTABLE KNIVES! If he swings at anything it should be gone right? Slashed. Cut. Obliterated.
Even in video games, ALL HE DOES IS SLASH! “Ow…quit it!” the opponents say.
Even fighting Cyclops, the biggest pansy of the X-Men…
Claws that can cut through ANYTHING… except for spandex.
How has he not killed everyone he has ever fought?
Here are some possible reasons:
- Wolverine is a horrible fighter and has actually landed about 9 punches in 20 years.
- His claws are made out of Nerf
- He has incredible control and only wants to destroy people’s outfits
Folks, how is this character the most popular superhero for kids in the Marvel Universe? Hit me up, change my mind, please.