Armchair Mogul
The (backseat) driving force behind Hollywood. Way behind.


Movie Exec: People, Avatar is the highest grossing movie of all time. We need to get in on that chuck wagon, and FAST! It HAS to be because it was in 3D…right? Green light everything you can get your hands on that has 3 and D in its title.

Movie Goer: Well…yeah, it was neat… but if it was a crap movie no one would have cared.  Look at Final Destination 3D or A Christmas Carol.

Movie Exec: Well, start making old movies that everyone loves into 3D!

Movie Goer: But… like 6 of us saw Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D and it really looked crappy, I don’t think people want…

Movie Exec: WAIT! We got some HOT NEW MOVIES coming out; retrofit those bad boys before they go out!!!

Movie Goer: But I just said, retrofitting looks like crap… it’s distracting.

Movie Exec: …

Movie Goer: What?

Movie Exec: Look man, I’m just trying to keep my company afloat, everyone is pirating our movies, we are sinking fast, and this is the only way we can make some cash.

Movie Goer: That is the first thing that you have said that has made sense. I get it, do what you gotta do.


The dawn of the “New Age of 3D Cinema” is here.


It’s neat, I guess.

After the HUGE success of Avatar, we’ve seen some marginal return with How to Train your Dragon and Alice in Wonderland.

However, isn’t it amazing that only after 3 or 4 “Real-D” movies have been released, we’re starting to roll our eyes like we have been with remakes and reboots for the last 6 years?

Do we need more 3D movies like we need a Rockford Files movie or a Fantastic 4 reboot?

We’ve been hearing the rumblings and seeing a TON of trailers for upcoming 3D movies, like Shrek Forever After, Toy Story 3, Step Up 3D, Tron: Legacy and Piranha 3D.

Then there’s Saw VII, The Legend of Spyro, Megamind, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 and 2.

Oh don’t forget Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Trader, Tron 3D, Yogi Bear, Gulliver’s Travels, Priest, and Resident Evil: Afterlife…

Oh hell, who am I kidding… Kung Fu Panda: Kaboom of Doom, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore,  Tangled (Rapunzel), Green Lantern,  Smurfs 3D, Hubble 3D, Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Underworld 4, Cars 2, Pixar’s Bear and the Bow, Happy Feet 2, Tin Tin, Despicable Me, The Birds (remake,) Frankenweenie, Paradise Lost, GARFIELD PET FORCE 3D, Halloween 3D, Stretch Armstrong, Puss in Boots: The Story of an Ogre Killer, Blue Man Group 3D Yellow Submarine 3D, A Ridley Scoot Alien Prequel, Madagascar 3, Disney’s King of the Elves, Jackass 3D, Spiderman (reboot).

Not to mention the RIDICULOUS amount of retro fitted 3D movies that are coming out. Like all 6 Star Wars movies, Titanic, 300, All the Harry Potters, Beauty and the Beast, Toy Story 1 and 2, etc.

There have been very …VERY few good reviews of retro fitted 3D movies. Clash of the Titans for example is getting SLAMMED by critics for being distracting and obviously hurried in order to make some coin.

A recent AP article said “Movies in 3-D are becoming such big moneymakers that Hollywood studios are cramming them into the nation’s theaters, even though there aren’t enough screens available to give each film its fullest possible run.”

Why? It’s not because we LOVES US SOME 3D!!!

No one cares about 3D when it’s not attached to a good product. Journey to the Center of the Earth, My Bloody Valentine 3D, not even JONAS BROTHERS LIVE 3D did what people thought they would. Even Coralline, which was gorgeous, fell short of money expectations.


I have a theory.

Though they won’t say it, I think it all comes down to Piracy.

When VHS hit the market, Hollywood said it would destroy the industry.
DVDs came out and some of Hollywood, even Spielberg, wanted to make “disposable DVDs” that would destroy themselves after a few viewings because DVDs were going to put Hollywood out of business.
Digital piracy is now putting Hollywood out of business..

Technology will ALWAYS push people to find ways to get free stuff. But like all industries on the planet,  you have to adapt. You have to react to the climate.

Hollywood has found the first thing in 10 years that will make people not able to benefit without paying… and they are ALL OVER IT!


–          Voodrew

One Response to “THE NEW AGE OF 3D CINE…*yawn*”

  1. Dammit, Voodrew! You’re digging too deep! You think you’re the first person to look down this rabbit hole? What do you think happened to Burke? Cooper? Ramirez?? Now as your friend I’m telling you to stop. Right now. While you can. Just let it go, man. You can still have a normal life. It’s not too late for you. This thing is bigger than both of us. This thing goes all the way to the top! And there’s plenty of people, powerful people, who’ll do anything to keep this thing buried! So for the last time, Voodrew…walk away. Walk away while you still can. And do not look back.

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