Armchair Mogul
The (backseat) driving force behind Hollywood. Way behind.

The 2009 Chairy Awards!!


As we look back at 2009, we at the Armchair are proud to award the following film and television achievements with our highest honor: THE CHAIRY.

And now, the winners of the 2009 CHAIRY AWARDS:

******

Worst Ending: “Knowing”

Best Opening Scene: “Star Trek”

Best Title Sequence: 3 way tie – “Watchmen”, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” & “Zombieland”

Movie Least Asked For: “Dragonball Evolution”

Most On-The-Nose Movie Title: “Fighting”

Most Racist Robots: Mudflap and Skids

81 Minutes of the Same Joke: “Bruno”

Most Superfluous Mouth: Snake Eyes

Best Argument For Keeping An Orderly Set: Christian Bale

Best Argument Against Keeping An Orderly Set: Christian Bale

Biggest Casualty From The Jay Leno Hour: “Southland”

Least Mourned TV Show Cancellation: “Trauma” 

Most Improved TV Show: “Parks and Recreation” 

Least Improved TV Show: “How I Met Your Mother” 

Biggest Miscalculation: Adam Lambert’s AMA performance 

Biggest Piece of Crap: “The Collector” 

Second Biggest Piece of Crap: “Land of the Lost”

Most Distracting Cameo: Mike Myers in “Inglourious Basterds” 

TV’s Biggest “OH ($#!+!)” Moment: Last scene of “Dexter” season finale 

Most Tears in 126 Minutes: “The Blind Side”

Most Tears in 12 Minutes: The opening montage in Pixar’s “UP”

Most Tears in 30 Seconds: Where the Wild Things Are, TV spot

Biggest Mixed Blessing: “Michael Jackson’s This is It”

Least Blood in a Horror Movie: “Drag Me to Hell”

Angriest Old Lady: “Drag Me to Hell”

Weirdest Premise: “Drag Me to Hell”

Best Reinvention of a Genre: “Zombieland”

Best Payoff: The lost photos from “The Hangover”

Best Movie That’s Probably Great But I Can’t Bring Myself To See Because It Just Looks Too Depressing: “Precious”

CG That Doesn’t Make You Hate CG: The long-legged blue members of the Na’vi in “Avatar”

CG That Does Make You Hate CG: The long, blue member of Dr. Manhattan in “Watchmen”

Most Misleading Trailer: “Inglourious Basterds”

Most Hours We’ll Never Get Back: “Jay Leno Show”, every episode you watched

Last Name We Never Want to Hear Again: Gosselin

Most Redundant Name for a Sequel: 3 way tie – “The Final Destination”, “Fast and Furious”, “Rambo”

Best Year of Their Career: Vampires  (honorable mention: The number 9. 2009, 9, District 9, Nine)

Movie We Would Have KILLED To See In 1991, But Don’t Give Two Snikts About Now: “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” 

Biggest Female Swooning Moment:  “Don’t take this the wong way…You are a very, VERY beautiful woman.” –Ryan Reynolds (to Sandra Bullock), The Proposal

Biggest Male Swooning Moment:  Scarlett Johansen skinny dips in “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

The Most Kids’ Lives Screwed Up By a Reality Show: “Jon and Kate Plus 8”

The Studliest Matthew Perry Will Ever Look: Zac Efron

Best RomCom Chemistry in a REALLY LONG Time: The Proposal

Movie with the Biggest Heart: Away We Go

Erotic Thriller With the Least Sex or Thrills: Obsessed

******

Agree? Disagree? Did we miss any?  Let us know!  Until then, we remain snugly, smugly in our armchairs.

–The Moguls

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8 Responses to “The 2009 Chairy Awards!!”

  1. It really was the year of CG Genitalia (CGenitalia? Computer Genertalia?) Blue Scholongs, Gigantic Robot Balls above the pyramids, did we see any of the naked Arnold in Terminator Salvation flopping around?

  2. Ya now, you hit a lot of what I am thinking about this year, but I still don’t understand the “Parks and Rec” love. I don’t really see how the show has changed.

    • I hear ya. When the show first started I was very much against it onnacounta it being SO derivative of The Office in style and tone. But I stand by it being “most improved” because it was almost unwatchable in its first season. I don’t even think it was an actual show then. Whereas now, the characters are more flesehd out and everything seems to be coming together a little more.

      What don’t you like about it?

  3. I agree with MOCK! about Parks and Rec…don’t get it…still feels unwatchable to me.

  4. I think that while they are fleshing out the characters, I realize I just don’t like any of the characters or the situations they find themselves in. I think I am underwhelmed.

    I did envision a crossover with “The Office” where the Pawnee people had a complaint and headed to Dunder Mifflin, crossed over for ten or fifteen minutes and then went back to Pawnee, while “The Office” episode dealt with the build up of the impending visit, crossed over for ten or fifteen minutes, and returned to normal. Could have been fun and clever, but like i said…my interest is gone.

  5. You know what I needed, producers of Parks and Rec? I needed just a little help this week. I’ve got MOCK! and Pie here saying the show is unwatchable and it would be nice if for once you just showed a little support. Then, after a nice Christmas break, you go and air last week’s episode, which was ‘meh’ at best.

    Dammit.

    If I was honest with myself, I’d have to say that what I actually like about P&R are Ron Swanson and Andy. I love those two idiots.

    MOCK!, when the show was first announced, I entertained thoughts of a crossover too, but with Karen being in both shows, it was kinda ruined for me before it started.

    How are you guys liking Community?

  6. Community took a while to hit its stride. I went along because of McHale. I think things gelled with the holiday/religion episode. I haven’t rewatched any episode yet, but have them in the DVR and will fire them up over the summer.

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