Transformers 2: Plotholes in Disguise
Everyone tried to tell me.
“Not up to par,” they said.
“Not nearly as good as the first,” they cried.
“I left the movie theater, asked for my money back, then set my ten bucks on fire in protest,” he screamed…then laughed like a madman.
But did I listen? Well, partly. I didn’t go see Transformers 2:Revenge of the Fallen in the movie theater. I don’t usually have the same taste in movies as my friends and family, but it’s usually the movies they LIKE that I HATE, not the other way around. But I didn’t go. Figured it was garbage like they said.
I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t totally ticked when my husband came home on October 20th with a small Walmart bag and a boyish grin, even though we’d made an agreement after King Kong NOT to buy any movies we hadn’t already seen…(seriously, did that movie even have an editor??) I wanted to see it too. Still holding onto that tiny shred of hope that my friends and family, just this once, were snobbier movie critics than I.
I usually decide within the first 5-10 minutes or so of a movie whether or not I like it, and then I stick with that decision no matter what. It’s strange, I know, but that’s how I do it. With Transformers 2, however, I hated it so much at the very beginning, but wanted so much to like it, that I kept giving it chance after chance after chance. Until finally, my mercy ran out.
So, without further ado, here are the top 3 reasons I hated Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (and bear in mind that I am not at all knowledgable about movie-making, I only know what I like and what I loathe):
1. Megan Fox is not a real person. She is the antithesis of a human being, seriously. Shia Labeof’s character is so likeable that I don’t even think you need much in the leading lady’s personality. Just be beautiful (she is), able to speak (almost), and someone people can somewhat relate to (uh-oh…now we’ve got a problem). I felt like someone slapped a playboy bunny in the middle of an otherwise semi-relatable story (you know, aside from the transforming alien robots and all). If she wasn’t trying to do an over-the-top sexy pose like she was straight out of a car magazine, she was wearing ridiculous outfits, an insane amount of makeup, and don’t even get me started on the fact that the girl cannot close her mouth..which is precisely what we want after the first time we hear her speak. Sexy? Absolutely. Relateable? Not so much. I wanted her to get squished by a Decepticon early on.
2. The special effects were not so special. Now, I know less on this subject than most. All I know is that in the first movie, I remember thinking how cool it was that the Transformers looked so real. And in the sequel, they looked like cartoons. It looked cheap and ridiculous, and even I could see it.
3. If it ain’t broke… This is my biggest peeve with sequels of good movies, and the thing I hated most about TF2. They tried to change everything. From the new, annoying twin autobots which were the jar-jar binks of this movie, to all the unnecessary swearing, to the forgettable new villain, to Sam being guided by dead primes (wha?), to the total lack of story and dialogue pacing…and the beat goes on. The bottom line is that the characters, themes and tone that intrigued us in the original were abandoned in this movie. And don’t even get me started on them using that epic optimus prime voice to narrate the most mundane parts of the movie…it was unimaginative at best. And I felt cheated by the time the credits rolled.
Now, I’m not saying there weren’t some semi-redeemable parts to the flick. All I’m saying is that I must have gone to the bathroom when they happened, cuz I didn’t see them.
Am I being harsh? Perhaps.
Am I right? Not necessarily.
Am I saying I’m going to burn my copy in protest? Oh, most definitely. Muwahaha.